


Future of a Nation

by beyhr



Category: Boruto: Naruto Next Generations, Naruto
Genre: Drama, Kirigakure | Hidden Mist Village, M/M, New Seven Ninja Swordsmen, Slow Burn, Travel, my city now, no one writes these characters, this is probably ooc but who cares
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-09-01
Updated: 2019-06-19
Packaged: 2019-07-05 08:31:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 14,391
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15859989
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/beyhr/pseuds/beyhr
Summary: Nearly ten years after the failed coup, Shizuma returns with a proposition.





	1. City Wrecker

It was not unusual to see Kagura working away at his desk late into the night. He'd since retired from his office down the hall, fully intending to get some rest, but he couldn't bring himself to relax. Sleeping just felt like a waste of time.

He brushed off the initial rustling of his curtains. The window had been left open, and there was often a breeze in the night. No, he ignored it until he noticed the shadow creeping up the wall, oddly shaped, definitely not a bookshelf or lamp (he couldn't remember placing furniture there anyhow). He tensed, hand at his side where his sword should be, but wasn't. 

“Long time, no see,” said a voice behind him. Familiar. One he could never forget, even though it had been a while.

Were this a real enemy, he would have been dead in an instant. There was a soft thud of feet landing on carpet. He allowed his chair to be swiveled around, so he was facing the intruder.

“Did you miss me, Kagura?” Shizuma smiled as though he was attempting the sincerity seeing an old friend called for, but failing in that endeavor. He’d never quite grasped that quality. It came off as a smirk, but Kagura understood. 

“Of course,” he replied quietly, standing from his chair on half-asleep legs. Shizuma leaned in close, and Kagura looped his arms around his neck, pulling him into a hug.

“A little taller now, eh?” Shizuma murmured. His arms found their way around Kagura’s middle, holding him tight and lifting him slightly off the floor. He'd gotten stronger in their time apart— even after having grown, Kagura seemed lighter than before. 

Kagura hadn't realized how much he'd missed this. The security Shizuma’s presence brought him. The change of atmosphere, unique to him. Tension leaving his body, Kagura inhaled deeply— he even smelled the same. Like no time had passed at all. For a moment, it was easy to forget he had ever been in prison.

 _Was_ in prison. 

Was _supposed_ to still be in prison. 

Suddenly realizing that fact, Kagura wiggled out of the other man’s grasp, and backed away. Hiramekarei was leaning against the wall in the other room. There wasn't enough time to retrieve it, if Shizuma moved to attack. After all that had happened before, he wasn't sure what to expect. 

Shizuma looked hurt, surprised at Kagura’s sudden fear. He hadn't even considered that the emotional wound might still be a bit tender. He'd spent those years in prison awaiting Kagura’s open arms, fully expecting to be welcomed back. 

“Is something wrong?” he said, voice uncertain. He took a step forward. Kagura took another step back. “I— I’m not here to hurt you, Kagura. I would never, I—” He faltered, then stopped. Glancing around for somewhere to sit, he decided on the edge of Kagura’s bed.

“I didn't leave us on the best of terms, huh?” He almost laughed, “I’m a fuckin’ idiot, aren’t I?”

Kagura visibly relaxed his shoulders. If Shizuma was going to attack, he'd have done it by now. Perhaps against his better judgement, he sat down next to him, laying his head on the man’s shoulder out of habit— a similar habit made Shizuma reflexively put his arm around his shoulders. They sat there like that for a moment, in a strange, comfortable silence.

Finally, Kagura asked, “Why are you here?” He almost didn't want to know. Whatever came next, it wasn't going to be good or reassuring to hear. 

“I’m leaving,” Shizuma replied, slightly hesitant. 

“What do you mean?” Kagura pulled away to look up at him. If Shizuma hadn't known better, he'd have said the younger man looked heartbroken— (they’d just been reunited, and now they would be split again. _Forgive me for seeing the romance in it_ , thought Shizuma). 

“I’m leaving Kirigakure. Not like they want me here anyway.” Shizuma shrugged. “I figured I’d tell you. Wanted to say goodbye.” 

Kagura felt a pang of guilt, though this had nothing to do with him. Perhaps he'd thought he could reform Shizuma, fit him into society alongside himself. His will wasn't quite strong enough to keep him in check and he knew it, but in his heart he didn't want it to be true.

“Well, I— I’m sad to see you go.” He bit his lip as he spoke, a nervous habit. “You were my first friend, and will remain so. I’ll miss you.”

 _You give up too easily_ , though Shizuma, dejectedly. But he jumped into his pitch anyway.

“You could come with me, you know. We can travel the world together.” The dim light from the window made his eyes sparkle, or maybe that was the prospect of adventure. Kagura couldn't be sure. 

He was caught off guard by the offer, and scrambled to scrape together an excuse. “I can't just leave— I have a job, and fr—” He cut himself off, not wanting to admit that he really only had one friend (not counting Chojuro). In truth, there wasn't a whole lot tying him down. A well-phrased proposal could easily sway him, and well-phrased proposals were Shizuma’s specialty.

“Ka-gu-ra,” Shizuma drawled— a shiver ran up his spine at the tone— “If you want stability, you can stay. But what would you get out of that life? You're on the path to Mizukage, and we both know you don't want that position. Sure, there's no guarantee of anything if we leave, but isn't that exciting? It's an adventure, like the good old days.” He pulled Kagura close again, hand on his waist, in his signature too-close-for-comfort manner. The same as ever. Kagura practically melted in his arms, nodding along before he could realize it. Shizuma smiled.

“I’ll be happier with you by my side. Pack a bag and I’ll see you in three days, okay?” Kagura nodded again, and they untangled themselves. Without another word, Shizuma was heading out the window. Kagura blinked, and he was gone. For a moment, it felt like a dream, but the lingering warmth on the bed next to him meant it was real. He supposed he might as well start packing now.

\---

He got as far as pulling out his favorite backpack, and throwing a few sweaters inside before a wave of exhaustion hit him. It became suddenly apparent that it was nearly four in the morning. Kagura dragged himself to bed, not bothering to undress before climbing under the covers. 

The next day, he met with Tsurushi Hachiya for lunch. He'd been trying to make an effort to reconnect with his classmates from the academy (he couldn't exactly call them friends to begin with, more like acquaintances). So far, no one was interested besides Tsurushi. It had been tense at first, but they soon settled into a familiarity he'd only ever reached with Chojuro.

The lunch went fine, they talked politely and caught up a bit. Kagura had been busy at work and with training, and Tsurushi had been on a job hunt— he'd had a rather promising interview just that morning. 

Kagura hadn't been able to bring up the events of the previous night yet. He felt antsy, and wanted to leave and forget the whole thing, but that want an option. 

“Tsurushi,” he started suddenly, “I— I’m going on a trip for a little while. Top secret Mizukage work, you understand.” Tsurushi nodded, and he continued. “If, by chance, Boruto and his friends come around again, and I’m not here… can you tell them I’m sorry?”

Tsurushi was no idiot. Kagura hadn't sounded that nervous since their first lunch meeting, over a year ago. He didn't mention it, though. He trusted Kagura to figure himself out on his own. 

“Yeah, alright man,” he replied casually. Kagura gave him a weak smile, then went to retrieve his wallet. Tsurushi reached across the table, lightly touching Kagura’s hand and returning the smile.

“Don't worry about it, man. I’ll pay this time.” 

He thanked Tsurushi profusely, and began to promise to pay next time, but faltered. There may not be a next time. Who knows. 

He took the long way back to his apartment, and started making a mental checklist of what he might need once he'd left. _How do you pack for abandoning your village_ , he wondered, _Like going camping?_ He hadn't taken many missions outside the village, and wasn't quite sure what awaited him out there. Perhaps Shizuma knew better. He'd always seemed to have a plan in the past, this would likely be no different. 

\---

The second day, he went in to work. It hadn't even occurred to him how strange that would feel, to know he may be seeing some of these people for the last time (if not today then tomorrow. He still had another day to go). He tried to keep his voice level when speaking to Chojuro, but it was harder than he thought. The Mizukage was sympathetic, assuming he had a cold or something. He sent Kagura home for the day. 

The following morning, he found himself staring up at the ceiling in his bedroom, wondering if he should even bother to go to work. He didn't know when Shizuma was going to come for him. 

Assuming the man was smart enough to wait until he got off work, Kagura dragged himself out to the office. The second day was even harder than the first, and he was overwhelmed with some strange cocktail of emotions that made him want to find the nearest closet to cry in. Despite this, he soldiered on. 

For a the first part of the day, he was paranoid that his coworkers would know something was up— he looked nervous and stiff. But after a while, he realized that was sort of his default. To anyone else, it was business as usual. 

In the early afternoon, Chojuro called him into his office for some important matter. Kagura was on edge immediately, assuming he'd been found out somehow. 

"I don't know if you heard—" Chojuro shuffled some papers on his desk, and pulled out an unpublished news report— "Shizuma Hoshigaki has escaped from prison, along with a few other inmates."

 _Other inmates_ , Kagura thought, _Who?_

"Do you know anything about this?"

"I— No, sir."

"Well, if you find something out, don't hesitate to let me know."

Kagura nodded, and— seeing as Chojuro had nothing else to say— excused himself from the room. In the hall, he leaned against the wall and sighed. Now might be a good time to find that closet. _No_ , he thought, _It’s only one day. I can last that long_.

The remainder of the day passed slowly, unremarkable but tense. When his shift was over, he didn't waste any time before leaving. His checklist was complete, all that was left was to wait.

He'd double-checked his bag— then triple-checked, then quadruple-checked, feeling incapable of sitting still, his limbs buzzing with an uncomfortable energy. _The bastard was never late before_ , he thought, then scolded himself for thinking that way about Shizuma. There hadn't been many instances where he was the one waiting— the other man came and went as he pleased, as a cat would. Kagura forced himself to sit, try to relax or at the very least stop worrying. 

Suddenly, it was night. He couldn't remember falling asleep, yet here he was, sprawled on the couch. He stared up at the ceiling, wondering what time it was without bothering to check. Shizuma obviously hadn't arrived yet. He sighed, rubbed at his bleary eyes, and made his way over to the kitchen. 

As he rummaged through a cupboard, he caught some movement in the corner of his eye. Startled, he jumped and hit his head on the cupboard door. He hissed at the pain, pressing his hand to the spot as he turned to see what it was. Shizuma was sitting on the countertop, legs crossed, grinning.

“How long have you been sitting there?” Kagura asked, his voice hoarse from his nap. He coughed into his sleeve.

“A while,” replied Shizuma, “You toss and turn a lot in your sleep. You alright?”

“As alright as I can be, I suppose.” He smiled weakly. “Are we leaving soon?”

“Soon as you want to. I can wait, if you're not ready.”

“No, no, I am.”

Kagura retrieved his bag from his room, secured Hiramekarei in it's holster, and took one last look around. He was positive he'd packed everything he might need, but he was reluctant to leave the apartment. That was understandable, he'd spent a lot of time here, it had sentimental value. Not to mention the terror of plunging into the unknown. But the pull of Shizuma’s little adventure was far stronger than any memories he'd had here. He sighed, slinging the bag onto his back as he walked out to where Shizuma was waiting.

“All set?” Kagura nodded, hurrying to Shizuma’s side. The sooner they left, the sooner he could start forgetting how worried his still was. 

Shizuma put an arm around his shoulders, and said quietly, “Relax, yeah? You're with me.” Sure enough, the close proximity alone did wonders on his nerves, but not quite enough. He didn't say anything, letting Shizuma lead the way to wherever the hell they were going.

\---

They ran down streets and through alleys for maybe ten minutes. The twists and turns made Kagura disoriented, and despite having lived in this village for his entire life he felt completely lost. But he trusted Shizuma to know where he was headed. 

Gradually, the buildings around them grew less modern, comprised of exposed brick and chipping paint. It was darker here, the streetlights less frequent. They were both vaguely familiar with this area, though Shizuma far more recently. He stopped suddenly in front of a warehouse, and Kagura nearly tripped, overcorrecting as he tried to follow. He'd never seen this building before. Shizuma pried open one of the windows, motioning for Kagura to follow him.

Inside it was dark, but before Kagura could reach for his flashlight Shizuma took his hand and led him deeper into the building. His stride was confident, even without light to see, and he plunged forward until they reached their destination. Kagura could see a sliver of light up ahead, seeping out from under a door. He hung back and Shizuma knocked rhythmically against the wood. After a pause, the door opened and the two of them stepped into the room.

He was a little surprised at the interior— relatively clean and contemporary, unlike the building around it. It was set up like a studio apartment, albeit a cramped one, with a couple beds and a table with chairs. The people waiting there were a surprise, too. Though he'd known others were with Shizuma, he hadn't thought they would be coming along for the ride. A fraction of the original seven ninja swordsmen stared back at him, as though they were still processing his arrival. Then, collectively, they jumped to their feet, rushing towards him with excited shouts of, “Kagura! Kagura’s here!” They swept him up in a group hug, and the remaining worry briefly left him. 

Once the initial excitement wore off, Kagura registered the absent members. Hassaku, Buntan, and Hebiichigo were present— Ichirouta and Kyoho were not. He passively wondered why this was, but he had never been particularly close with any of the swordsmen, so a few missing was not especially concerning to him. He was glad to have the ones who were there, though— they seemed to regard him as a friend, and god knows he was lacking in that department. While Buntan and Hebiichigo chatted with Kagura, Hassaku pulled Shizuma aside.

“How’d you manage to convince him?” he asked quietly, gesturing to Kagura, “I figured he’d hate us all after that, y’know.”

“Yeah, you’d think so, right?” Shizuma shrugged, “But you haven't seen him when we’re alone. He’ll do anything I ask.”

Hassaku gave him an odd look, and Shizuma quickly amended, “Not like that! Damn, Hassaku, get your mind out of the gutter.” They both laughed, and Shizuma put a hand on his shoulder.

“Regardless, he's here now, so we can get going.”

The other three seemed to catch that last remark, dropping their conversation immediately. Without a word, the two girls scrambled to repack their things (they'd all been living in this room for the past couple days, so naturally their belongings had gotten a bit scattered). Shizuma and Hassaku followed, carefully disguising any signs that the swordsmen had been there at all. Kagura, feeling out of place in the chaos, stood near the door, trying his best to stay out of their way. Their teamwork had improved in prison, it seemed— they managed to fix up the room within a few minutes. Shizuma surveyed the now-nondescript room, then clapped his hands together. 

He announced that they were ready to go, and led the way out of the room, out of the building, and back into the street. It was hard enough trying to keep up, and Kagura still had no idea where they were going. What had Shizuma said before? _He’d only called it an ‘adventure’_ , Kagura thought sourly, _As mysterious as ever, I see_. He wondered why he'd allowed himself to be roped into this.

Unable to match the enthusiastic pace of the others, he fell behind a little. None of them seemed to notice besides Buntan, who slowed down to run beside him. 

“You okay, kid?” She kept her eyes forward, but seemed genuine. 

“I guess,” he replied, “Just worried.”

“Understandable. But look at it this way— at least you're among friends, right?”

“Yeah...”

“It’ll be alright. Trust me.” She threw him a little smile, which he tried to return. 

\---

Leaving the village was surprisingly easy. Toward the back there was less security, in the older section of town. They were able to find a window between patrols, and slip away into the wilderness. The area surrounding Kiri was made up of sparse groups of trees and dark rocky hills. The further away they got, the more trees. Kagura had never been this far in this direction.

Once the village disappeared behind the horizon, it wasn't necessary to keep running, but they were all too excited to be out. It was a little infectious, to be honest— even Kagura was starting to feel the buzz. 

After a while, they came to a beach. The shore of an island was just barely visible through the mist. Deciding it was close enough to walk, the group continued across the surface of the water. They made camp on the island, building a small fire and huddling around it. Kagura had forgotten how cold it could get in the Land of Water. He pulled his jacket tighter around himself, though that didn't help much. Next to him, Shizuma stretched, his back cracking audibly. He shook himself out, then spoke. 

“The hardest part is over, guys. We're free.” The other three swordsmen patted each other on the backs, exchanging congratulations. Kagura did not partake (he had been free from the jump. This was a new type of freedom). 

“Where to now, boss?” Buntan leaned forward on her hands, eager to hear him explain the plan. She'd already heard it a couple times before, but like the rest of them she found his voice enchanting. 

“Well, there's no specific end goal. You all know that. We're looking for our promised land, wherever that may be.” The swordsmen nodded, with murmured “hear! hear!”’s. Kagura was confused, but figured if he listened he'd understand. Shizuma continued, “We'll go as far as we need, wherever the wind takes us. To find a place that will appreciate our talents!”

Kagura glanced up at his face. The fire reflecting in his eyes made him look a little more unhinged than usual. 

“Tomorrow we’ll head north on this island. From there, we get on the first boat leaving the port. Doesn't matter to where. We're wanderers for the time being, but I'm sure it won't be for long. Now, let's all get some rest.” 

The adrenaline is wearing off, for all of them. Goodnights were swapped as they rolled out sleeping mats and shuffled under blankets. Kagura unfolded his sleeping bag, not bothering to take off his jacket before sliding inside. He zipped it up to his nose, so as to protect as much of himself from the cold as he could while still being able to breathe. Beside him, Shizuma laid on his back under a thick quilt, arms crossed behind his head. His eyes were closed already, but he seemed to sense that Kagura was staring. 

“I'm really glad you're here, Kagura. Wouldn't be the same without you.” He smiled faintly. Kagura didn't respond, but there was no need to.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> City Wrecker - Moonface 
> 
> [Future of a Nation - Pony Pony Run Run]


	2. Undercover Martyn

Kagura had never really slept on the ground before, and couldn't have imagined how he'd ache in the morning. It was like he'd aged forty years in a few hours, his back might as well have been made of balsa wood and broken over someone's knee. He heaved himself to his feet, stretching uncomfortably while the rest of the group did the same. The initial charm had worn off, and all of them looked a little worse for wear. Shizuma clapped his hands to get their attention. 

“Alright team, we've got a lot of ground to cover if we want to make it to the next town over. First off, let's—” He trailed off, and looked down at Kagura, then at Hiramekarei. “Hang on. We've got to deal with that first.”

“What's the problem?”

“The problem is that we can't be seen with those out of the village. Forgot to mention that, I guess. Oh well. Hebi!” Hebiichigo appeared beside him, and produced a large scroll from her bag. She unrolled it on the floor, and undid the seal. The legendary sword case appeared in a puff of white smoke. 

"We can't just be waving our legendary swords around all willy-nilly, y'know. We're tryin' to keep a low profile here." Each of them craned their necks to see inside, get a glimpse of their beloved swords. Shizuma took Hiramekarei and placed it in it's spot, then Hebiichigo resealed the case. She then pulled out a second, smaller scroll, from which came five regular swords. They fell to the ground in an unceremonious pile, and were distributed throughout the group. 

“We can make do with these until we get where we're going,” she said, a hint of bitterness in her voice. They were all a little annoyed by the downgrade, but it was better than nothing. Kagura examined the blade in his hand, a little glad to have something less unwieldy for once. _It'll be good practice for all of them_ , he thought. _To calm down a little and focus on technique._

\---

After stumbling through underbrush for nearly an hour, the swordsmen reached a thin dirt road, which they assumed would lead them to the port.

Most small towns in the Land of Water were port towns, due to the proximity to the ocean, and the promise of trade and money that comes with ports. Since the Land of Water was poor for so long, the unemployed would migrate to the ports for work, leading to the port towns becoming the most densely populated areas in the Land of Water. This northern port was no exception. While not quite as modern as Kirigakure’s main drag, it was fairly up to date. The waterfront was very similar to Kiri’s boardwalk, down to the street food vendors. Hassaku and Buntan left on a mission to find cheap food for the lot of them while Kagura, Hebiichigo, and Shizuma looked for a boat to board.

Eventually, they narrowed it down to two fishing boats— one heading toward the Land of Fire and the other to the Land of Lightning. Neither was really preferable, since the plan was to avoid the major countries for a while, but no other ships seemed to be leaving any time soon. When the other two members returned they took a vote. Shizuma, being the leader, took charge.

“So, pros and cons. Lightning is closer, but I don't currently have a map of it. Fire is further, and we might be recognised, but I do have a map.” He pulled the map out of his pocket, as though to emphasize his point. They quietly considered their options, and ultimately chose the Land of Lightning. The boat ride would be shorter, and there was no chance of running into anyone they knew. Sure, they all looked like textbook Kiri shinobi, but in this age of peace people traveled between countries all the time. As long as they didn't start any fights they should be good to go. 

Buntan, being the most normal- and congenial-looking of the group, approached the owner of the boat first. Somehow she managed to get a relatively fair price for the trip, and motioned the rest of them over when the captain allowed her aboard. 

The trip took about a day and a half, and was for the most part uneventful. The group spent the time resting, and trying to stay out of the fishermen’s way— except Shizuma, who became violently seasick the moment they got out on open water. The embarrassment of it made his face burn, this being one of the few times he's looked uncool in front of the swordsmen. Of course, they didn't care, didn't think less of him, but his vanity told him otherwise. He carefully made his way to the other end of the ship for privacy, and remained there until they docked again. 

\---

In the Land of Lightning, they felt… small. While it wasn't the largest of the five major countries, it was at least three times the size of the Land of Water. Most of them had rarely been outside the country, and none of them had ever been to the Land of Lightning. Kagura, having traveled to other villages a few times with Chojuro, was by far the least bewildered by their new surroundings, though that wasn't saying much. 

The Land of Lightning had _mountains_. There were mountains in Kiri, but they seemed like gentle slopes in comparison. And the humidity was different, making their clothes feel heavy and uncomfortable. _This is the coast_ , thought Kagura, _It'll get worse the further inland we get_. He suddenly regretted packing only sweaters (though he didn't own much else in the way of tops).

They wandered around the pier for a while, trying not to call attention to themselves while simultaneously looking for some sort of map vendor. There wasn't one. 

After a while, Shizuma— having recently regained his sense of balance and feeling less sick now— assumed his usual leadership role and led the group into town. The day was already half over, so they focused on finding a cheap hotel, preferably with air conditioning. Back in Kiri, most buildings didn't have air conditioners, since it was pretty cold for the most part. Those that did usually had little window units, but you didn't see those too often. The building the Mizukage’s office was in had central air, but it wasn't really necessary, and almost never in use. Here it seemed that most, if not all buildings had air conditioners, much to their relief. They were all sticky with sweat by the time they piled into the lobby of the nearest budget hotel. Buntan, again, spoke to the front desk on behalf the group, with Shizuma standing over her shoulder telling her how many rooms they'd need (two, with two beds each). The girls would get their own room, and the three guys would draw straws for who had to share a bed. 

Kagura pulled the longest straw, and got to have his own bed. He was just glad to not sleep on the ground again, but this was a bonus. Before the group had split, Shizuma laid out the plan for tomorrow: brief shopping to stock up on food and clothes more suited to the weather, then finding the first route out of here. 

Kagura was a little surprised at how peaceful the remainder of the night was. They'd all slept poorly on the boat (especially Shizuma) and were exhausted. There was no energy left for conversation. He was expecting Shizuma to corner him any minute now, for some enthusiastic, off-putting statement about how important this endeavor is, and how glad he is that Kagura is along for the ride, but no such thing happened. He brushed his teeth in silence, and collapsed fully clothed into his bed.

\---

The morning was nowhere near as calm. Kagura was pulled from sleep abruptly by a pillow thrown at him from across the room. Shizuma was trying to pull on his pants as quickly as possible, nearly tripping over himself as he shouted at him.

“KAGURA GET UP, WE’RE GONNA MISS THE CONTINENTAL BREAKFAST.” Kagura hardly registered what he was saying, but he got himself out of bed anyway. Knowing they were buying new clothes today, he didn't bother to change most of his clothes, just threw on a clean shirt. Shizuma allowed him and Hassaku a few more minutes to make themselves presentable before dragging them out of the room. 

Apparently Hebiichigo and Buntan were already up, and waiting for them in the hotel dining room. Unlike the three boys, they looked properly put together, if a little tired. They'd both woke up early, though not on purpose (“Faulty alarm,” Buntan said, sighing). They pushed two tables together, and loaded their small styrofoam plates with pastries and toast while Shizuma reiterated the plan. He spread out a small map of the country he got at the front desk, and pointed to the shopping district with his fork. The group agreed to split up for a few hours, find whatever they needed, and meet back up near the city center.

Kagura felt a little uncomfortable going off on his own, but he soon realized it was much more stressful being with the swordsmen all the time. They were conspicuous, and Kagura was deathly afraid of being confronted. Alone, he could blend in, at least as a tourist. There were times when he nearly forgot he wasn't one, standing in line at a checkout with a novelty t-shirt and an overpriced soda. Sure, there was a sword strapped to his belt, but that wasn't too unusual. He somewhat wished his purpose here was as simple as sight-seeing, but he'd stopped regretting their desertion so often. It was out of his control. 

\---

By the end of the day, the group was crowded onto a pair of park benches, each of them sifting ruefully through their wallets. It seemed they'd brought insufficient funds. Kagura himself had tried to be frugal during their shopping spree, but he couldn't speak for the other four (though he was certain Shizuma hadn't employed any restraint). Even so, he didn't have much cash left on hand. Of course, he still had his debit card, but that was for emergencies only. Shizuma suddenly cleared his throat, pulling everyone out of their thoughts.

“Well, guys. I don't have enough for another night in the hotel. I didn't think we'd be staying longer, but the errands took longer than expected. So we're gonna have to pool our money, and maybe only rent one room.” They groaned collectively, already plotting who would be sleeping on the floor. Kagura put his money back in his wallet, his eyes lingering on the debit card. This felt like an emergency.

“I can pay,” he said quietly. Everyone’s head whipped around to face him, and he froze.

“With what money?” They'd assumed he was as broke as they were. Kagura sheepishly held up his card.

“You have a bank account,” said Buntan flatly, “Of course.”

“Of course…?” Kagura cocked his head to the side, squinting in confusion. “Don't you?”

Hebiichigo gave him what was trying to be a meaningful look, but just made her look annoyed. “Kagura, we were all stupid teenagers when we got put in prison. Do you think any of us had the foresight to open a bank account?”

“We didn't even have incomes, man,” Hassaku added, “I kept all the cash I had on me, and they took it.”

Kagura shifted uncomfortably on the bench, suddenly feeling aimlessly guilty.

“Well that settles it then,” said Shizuma. He stood up and faced the group. “This trip is on Kagura from here on out.”

“B-but I quit my job, and I've still got to pay rent!” Kagura protested.

“Why?” asked Hassaku, “You don't live there anymore.”

“All my stuff is there. My couch, my TV, all my plants…” said Kagura, trailing off. 

Shizuma leaned over him, slightly too close as per usual, “Once we get where we're going, we’ll all get jobs and stuff. Until then, you can cover everything, right?” Kagura tried to form a response in his mind, but his nerves were getting the better of him.

“I— I suppose I can,” he finally managed. Shizuma patted his shoulder.

“Attaboy, Kagura. I’ll personally pay you back when I can, trust me.” He smiled, and no part of him seemed trustworthy in the slightest, but Kagura nodded anyway.

\---

Buntan handled the business at the front desk again, with Kagura standing by to swipe his card and show ID. The attendant didn't even question his last name. Perhaps Yagura’s reputation never reached the Land of Lightning. Who knows. As they returned to the others, Buntan put a comforting hand on his shoulder. 

The night was still young. The swordsmen crowded into the boys’ room, sitting on the beds and the chairs as they showed off the day’s purchases— which for the most part consisted on t-shirts and shorts. Hebi had snagged an ankle-length sundress at a clearance sale. Hassaku spent all his money on snacks, arguing that he would just cut his pants into shorts. Not like any of them would stop him. The atmosphere was comfortable and familiar, and Kagura wished he could live in this moment forever. 

When night had sufficiently fallen, and the yawns started up, the girls cleared out and they began getting ready for bed. They played rock-paper-scissors to decide who got to use the shower first. Hassaku won. Once the bathroom door shut, the room was finally quiet.

Kagura stood awkwardly in the middle of the room, viscerally aware of Shizuma staring at him from where he sat on one of the beds. It occurred to him that he hadn't been alone with Shizuma since they'd left. Being the leader and all, he didn't focus on Kagura all too often. To have his undivided attention now was almost stifling. And here was that missing conversation from last night. 

“Thanks again for financing the trip,” said Shizuma, “You do believe I’ll repay you though, right?”

“Of course,” he said hesitantly, “You've never lied to me before.”

“Do you really think that?” Shizuma asked, too quickly. The look on his face said he hadn't intended to say it out loud. Kagura almost laughed.

“Of course not,” he said, “You lied plenty. But sometimes I just tell you what you want to hear. It's a bad habit.” Shizuma hummed. Kagura made eye contact with him on accident, and quickly looked away. 

“Kagura, don't feel like you have to lie to me.” 

“I don't, I don't.” He waved his hand dismissively, but Shizuma clearly wasn't having it. He sat up straighter on the bed.

“You're lying right now.” 

Kagura laughed half-heartedly, “Yeah, you caught me.”

“I’m serious. You're my dearest friend, and friends don't lie to each other.” He’d felt it was a given, but it didn't hurt to clarify. Kagura seemed surprised to hear it, not even questioning the hypocrisy of the statement. He took a step toward the other man, then stopped. Before any more words were exchanged, the lock on the bathroom door audibly clicked, and Hassaku reemerged. The conversation was over. 

Kagura’s turn was next. He spent his shower staring blankly at the tile, trying and failing to relax. After Shizuma’s turn, he and Hassaku had to decide who would share a bed tonight (Kagura was already sharing, since he’d slept alone the previous night). Hassaku lucked out, leaving Shizuma to share with Kagura. Neither had any complaints about this. 

Thinking back, Kagura couldn't remember if he and Shizuma had ever shared a bed. In the long while they’d known each other, they hadn't often hung out at night, and hadn't had any sleepovers— Kagura considered himself too mature for something like that, and Shizuma just never invited him over to his house— so the chances were slim. He thought of the swordsmen crowded into that small room back in Kiri, or in their cells in prison. Somewhere along the line, Shizuma definitely shared a bed with at least one of them. He had with Hassaku the previous night. Kagura wasn't sure how he felt about all that. Not necessarily jealous. Something kinder than that. Excluded, maybe. Well, he could make up for lost time now. 

Surprisingly, Shizuma gave him space. He laid on his back, arms folded behind his head, like he had that first night. Kagura had expected that typical closeness. This seemed odd, but he wasn't about to voice his opinion. He rolled onto his side, his back to Shizuma and the covers up to his neck. The three of them exchanged goodnights, and turned out the light without another word.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Undercover Martyn - Two Door Cinema Club


	3. Insomnia

Kagura stood alone in the living room of his apartment. The lights were off. A thin layer of dust covered the otherwise uncluttered surfaces around him. It looked like new, unlived in. His apartment had stayed the same since he'd moved in— the result of tidy habits and an intense reclusive period he'd only recently emerged from. He leaned back slightly, so he could see his office door down the hall. It was closed.

On the coffee table was a weeks-old newspaper, folded crooked and messy. The obituaries were face-up, but he didn't bother to read them. By now, the four little paragraphs that mattered were burned into his memory. 

He had to go to work, he realized, his heartbeat increasing. That's all he ever did. Go to work, come home, sleep, wake up. Go to work, sleep, wake up. Sleep, wake up. 

Sleep. 

Wake up.

His eyes snapped open like cartoon window roller shades. It was still dark in their small hotel room in the Land of Lightning. For a moment, all he could see is the blurry readout on the bedside alarm clock. He slowly became more aware of his surroundings, the details of the dream simultaneously fading from his memory. He was suddenly realized Shizuma’s arm was around him, draped loosely over his side. Sometime in this night he must have rolled over. Kagura could feel his breath on the back of his neck. His heartbeat slowed, and he relaxed into the the other man’s arms. Despite the late hour, however, he found himself fully awake.

Shizuma was a heavy sleeper, it seemed. Kagura fidgeted until he was sure he wouldn't wake up, then carefully removed himself from the bed. _If I can't sleep_ , he thought, _I might as well do something productive_. Situating himself under the window, he used the dim light from the streetlamps outside to try to read, but couldn't focus on the words. So reading was out. Had he used his sword at all, he’d polish it or something, but it was still in perfect condition. Finally, he sat down with a notebook at the desk in the corner, and started up a travel log. _It could prove useful down the line_ , he thought, recording the date of their departure onto the first page. He told himself to be impartial in his writing— this wasn't a diary, after all. Facts only, as difficult as it was.

He wrote slowly and delicately, making his handwriting as legible as possible. Still, he finished rather quickly, and was now out of things to do. He slumped against the wall, searching his mind for more things to distract him. He could get back in bed, sure, but that might wake Shizuma. He didn't want to have to talk about this— not that there was anything to talk about. Getting out of bed in the first place was a mistake.

\---

Around this time, an alarm was blaring in a sparsely decorated apartment on the outskirts of Kiri. Tsurushi clumsily pressed the off button, rubbing at his eyes with his other hand. He'd finally gotten a job, though it had shit hours. He couldn't complain though, happy enough that someone would hire him.

He sat on the edge of his bed, in the dark, eyes still screwed shut as he willed himself into feeling more awake. It never got easier. He wondered how Kagura had done this, had a job for years and years, had to get up this early every day. _Maybe that was part of why he left_ , he mused, _Got sick of this. I would_. Throughout his morning routine, he thought back to Kagura. They weren't very close, and hadn't seen each other often, but it felt weird to know that he was gone— and weirder not knowing why. He didn't believe his excuse for a second. He'd never been a very good liar, at least not in Tsurushi’s experience.

He had his theories. Word got around fast when something as major as a prison break happened. Though the identity of the convicts hadn't been released, he chose to believe it was the swordsmen. It just made sense, for the breakout to coincide with Kagura’s leaving. He didn't want that to be true, of course, but the alternative— Kagura leaving alone, of his own accord— felt unlikely. So he hung onto this belief. 

_Wherever you are_ , he thought, _Be safe, yeah?_

\---

A few hours passed in what felt like minutes. Kagura's eyelids drooped, each uneven blink making the numbers on the clock change. He hardly realized he'd fallen asleep, didn't feel rested in the slightest. It was still dark. 

He looked around the room and noticed Shizuma had shifted in his sleep. He was facing the window now, and the dim light from between the curtains made a stripe across his face. His eyes were open. Kagura nearly jumped when he realized, but neither of them said anything. They held each other's gaze for a moment, and Shizuma slowly pulled back the covers, an unspoken but understood “come back to bed”. Wordlessly, Kagura heaved himself to his feet, and crawled back into the bed. Shizuma put an arm around him, pulling him close against his chest. They both fell back to sleep almost immediately.

When Kagura woke up again, he was alone. The curtains were still drawn, but daylight seeped underneath them. He propped himself up on his elbows, then noticed the little plate of pastries on the nightstand. It seemed he’d missed breakfast. There was a note next to it, written on what looked like a receipt. 

_We’re all in the girls’ room. I didn't want to wake you. Come join us when you feel like it. —Shizuma._

The note pulled a smile across Kagura’s lips. It was nice to know Shizuma cared. He cleaned himself up, ate his breakfast, and headed over to the girls’ room down the hall. 

“Ah, he's alive!” Hassaku exclaimed as he opened the door, “Glad you could make it, sleeping beauty.” 

“G— good morning, everyone.” Kagura’s voice creaked with sleep, and he coughed into his elbow. “What are we doing today? Leaving, right?”

“Yep,” said Buntan, “Whenever you're ready, champ.” She gestured to the pile of luggage in the corner of the room, packed and ready to go. Kagura wondered how late he'd slept in. He politely excused himself to quickly pack his bag, then returned. Once they'd all double-checked the rooms to make sure they weren't forgetting anything, they set out to leave the port town. 

Near the city limits they waved down an old man with a cart pulled by mules, and persuaded him to give them a ride. When asked which way they were headed, Shizuma told him, “wherever you’re going”, and he shrugged and motioned them to climb in the back. 

It was much easier to appreciate the scenery when they weren't on foot. A decent breeze picked up as they got further from the town, and the humidity became a little more bearable. Still, their t-shirts stuck to their skin with sweat, and there wasn't much they could do about that. The old man didn't speak to them at all, and they didn't bother him until they reached a crossroads. He was heading for Kumogakure, and they'd decided to avoid hidden villages at all costs. They thanked him for the service, and went their separate ways.

The free ride was sorely missed as they hiked deeper into the mountains. Kagura made a mental note to never return to the Land of Lightning— the scenery wasn't worth the weather. Maybe the winters were better. There weren't even good ways to pass the time while walking, though that didn't stop Buntan and Hassaku from playing I Spy for at least two hours. Hebiichigo joined in on and off, but was too tired to really participate. They came to a small village a few hours later, and headed directly for the first restaurant they could find. This area was pretty rural, but they still had a/c, thank god. The swordsmen collapsed into a too-small booth in a cheap sushi restaurant, too exhausted to mind that they were practically in each other’s laps. 

“I hate the Land of Lightning,” Buntan mumbled. They all nodded in agreement as they looked over the menu. Since they'd had plenty of snacks during the trip, they weren't starving, and didn't end up ordering much. Any time one of them started considering one of the more expensive dishes, Kagura gave them a pointed look— it was his money, after all. 

There was no need to discuss where they would go from here. There was no set-in-stone plan, they were wanderers. Their one directional goal was to head in the opposite direction of Kumo, which would bring them into a more palatable climate as well. The southwest end of the Land of Lightning was colder, and even more mountainous. Whether this was good news was yet to be determined, but anything was better than this heat and humidity. 

Once they'd rested for a while, they set back out to the south, toward the Land of Frost. It would take them about two weeks of constant travel. Much of that was spent on foot, and many of the nights were spent outdoors. As luck would have it, the ground was softer than it was in the Land of Water, but it wasn't exactly plush. Further into the mountains, they began encountering the thunderstorms that gave this land it's name, at which point it became less convenient to sleep outside. Towns were few and far between, but there was not much they could do besides continue walking. None of them wanted to admit that their plan wasn't as well thought out as it could have been, or that maybe they should have stayed in Kiri. Kagura couldn't speak for the other swordsmen, but he missed his own bed dearly. 

\---

To celebrate crossing the border into the Land of Frost, Kagura suggested they stay in a slightly nicer hotel, a proposal that was met with unanimous agreement. They stayed in the little border town for three days, resting, replenishing their snack supply, and looking for maps. The Land of Frost was a fairly small country, probably half the size of the Land of Water, and didn't seem to be much more than a place for travelers to pass through. A major country on one side, and a common tourist destination on the other, the Land of Steam. 

The cold weather there felt like home— albeit with much more snow than they were used to— and the swordsmen were glad to return to their usual sweaters and long pants. The hotel rooms were heated, and more comfortable than anywhere they'd stayed previously. Leaving was bittersweet, but they couldn't afford to stay for too long.

It was immediately apparent that they wouldn't be able to cross the mountains without help. The environmental conditions were too severe, at least, for a group of relatively inexperienced young ninja. This they observed from the edge of town, looking out down the road buried beneath the snow. They’d surely die if they rushed into that unprepared. But they hadn't considered was how ordinary people made it through here. They couldn't possibly on foot, so how?

By train, it seemed. The railroad here was the most popular form of transit, and pretty cheap— this being evident from the line of people that extended out the large double doors of the train station. Seeing no other options, the swordsmen got in line.

The train was by no means fancy. It got people from one place to another safely, without any sort of frills. The bench seats were set up in two-person rows. Shizuma and Hassaku shared one, and Hebi, Buntan, and Kagura squished into another (none of them had wanted to sit alone). Shortly after getting themselves situated, the train lurched forward, gradually gathering speed until the scenery outside was a black-and-white blur. For lack of any better activities, most of the group (this being Kagura and the girls’ row) elected to take naps, leaning awkwardly on each others’ shoulders. The remaining two carried on a conversation for a while before succumbing to sleep as well.

\---

Shizuma woke with a start, his head having banged hard against the window. He blinked at the completely obscured view beyond the glass, disoriented, before the grating of the machinery faded back into his consciousness. Ah, right. The train. He looked down at his shoulder, where Hassaku’s head pressed against him, still asleep. What time was it? Who knows. He turned back to the window, staring through his reflection. He'd repeatedly mistaken it for someone else’s in recent years, and now didn't bother to give it the time of day. Outside, all he could see was snow, and occasional dark flashes which he assumed to be small patches of evergreen trees. He didn't like the Land of Frost, he decided.

With no one else being awake, there was an indeterminate amount of time available to him to think. Or no, not available— more like forced on him. To be alone with his thoughts was undesirable. It always cycled back to self-reflection, his most loathed activity, which he tried to avoid at all costs. Rather than that, he tried to conjure up an image of the map in his mind, and plan out where they would go from the train station. They would have to try pretty hard not to waste money in the tourist trap that was the Land of Steam. That, and their planned route will take them right past the hidden village, Yugakure, so they'd have to be on their guard. He knew Kagura didn't think he considered all this stuff, but of course he did— he was a leader, after all, and he had a duty to the swordsmen. 

The thought of Kagura inserted itself into a space between half-formed plans, demanding his full attention— very easy to give, as it turned out. He was constantly surprised, just by Kagura’s presence, always half expecting to wake up and have him be gone. He was the type to leave a note, Shizuma suspected. He probably left a note in his apartment in Kiri, probably addressed with “to whom it may concern”. That would be so like him. 

Shizuma was fully aware of how obvious his fixation on Kagura was— he'd never really tried to hide it, the swordsmen can attest to that— but he wondered how Kagura felt about him. He was a little oblivious when it came to interpersonal relationships, stemming from inexperience, his famous lack of friends. He'd hoped the rest of the swordsmen would fill that gap, but Kagura wasn't really one to start a conversation. Well, there was still time. 

He thought back to what Kagura had said that first night. _You were my first friend, and will remain so_. So stiff, almost formal. Like he was writing his eulogy then and there. Shizuma frowned. Perhaps Kagura didn't like him, and felt obligated to follow him here. Sure, he'd been a little heavy-handed with the guilt-tripping before, but had it caused lasting damage? He hoped not. Turning his focus back to the indistinct landscape, Shizuma forcibly emptied his mind, and spaced for the remainder of the trip. 

He was pulled from his trance by the shriek of the train whistle, signalling that they were approaching the station. The rest of the swordsmen stirred in their seats, blinking away the blur of sleep and rediscovering their surroundings. Outside the window, the landscape was greener now, with more trees and flashes of buildings peeking between. Shizuma briefly considered pretending to have just woken up, but there was no point. He leaned forward and folded his arms on top of the seat in front of him.

“Have a nice nap?” he asked. Buntan groaned. His voice was too loud, and right in her ear, too. The other two seemed not to notice. Shizuma frowned, and fell back into his seat. 

The train station here was far more crowded than the station back in the Land of Frost. In the rush to leave, they were separated by the crowd, ushered away in different directions, but ultimately met up again when they were spat out the exit door. Disoriented, the swordsmen stumbled into town. It was night now, but the streets were well lit, and it appeared to be as busy as anywhere might be in the daytime. Of course, the first thing on anyone’s mind was food, but Shizuma insisted they find a hotel first.

“Any later and there might not be anything available,” he said. The rest of the group shrugged in passive agreement, and fanned out to search for somewhere to stay. To no one's surprise, there was a hotel on pretty much every corner, as could be expected from a tourist town. They settled on the second cheapest one they could find, in the less busy part of town. At least it would be quieter. They spent maybe two minutes in their rooms, doing their bare-minimum of tossing their bags onto their beds before running back outside. After hours of sitting, they were all eager to stretch their legs.

The town rivaled Kiri in population, dense crowds perpetually filling the streets and establishments. For once, the swordsmen tried to stick together, not wanting to lose a member permanently. Shizuma was near-silent for the majority of their wandering, offering not much more than a gesture or short reply when addressed. On the outside he appeared the same, but they could tell he was thinking about something. They all knew him to be rather private when it came to his emotions, and left him be. Kagura, however, didn't know this about him, and no one bothered to clue him in. All the energy he normal spent on worrying about the trip was turned on Shizuma. As Kagura’s default was to be anxious, no one batted an eye. Hebiichigo did notice, but she stayed out of it. It wasn't her job to be supervising anyone’s feelings.

After a decent amount of exploring, the sun set, and the group realized how exhausted they were. The perpetual activity of the town around them grew more irritating by the second, as they fought crowds to get back to their hotel. There was only so much of this they could take. Kagura had taken to wringing his hands, hardly wanting to pause the action to hold on to the bannister as they went upstairs to their rooms. Hopefully he’d get a chance to talk to Shizuma, otherwise the worry would drive him insane. 

Of course, they were hardly ever alone. He felt awkward trying to check on him while Hassaku was there, but didn't quite know why. So he sat at the desk in the corner, filling out his travel log entry for the day. 

_Train ride from Frost to Steam: around six hours. Landed at Kyokai station sometime after sunset._

He tapped his pen against the table, feeling compelled to keep writing even though there wasn't much more to say. Though he'd decided not to include personal details, he scrawled one last note in the margin.

_I’m worried about Shizuma._

He snapped the book shut before anyone could see— not that he expected the others to care. Surely they all worried about their beloved leader from time to time, it was hard not to. He glanced sideways toward where Shizuma was sitting on his bed, leaning back against the headboard with his eyes closed. The room felt too quiet, too empty.

They were alone, he realized. Hassaku had disappeared. For a moment, he felt conflicted. Should he be worried that he was missing? _No, no_ , he rationalized, _He probably stepped out to get some air or something. No big deal_. Anyway, now he had a chance to talk to Shizuma privately. He spun his chair around, and called softly across the room.

“Shizuma? Are you awake?” The man shifted in place, and opened his eyes a crack. Kagura asked, “Are you doing okay?”

“Why wouldn't I be?” said Shizuma, monotone. 

“I don't know… I’m just worried, is all.” Kagura got up, cautiously approaching the other man. “You can talk to me, you know?”

“And why should I?” Kagura stopped. “I can work through it on my own. I don't need your pity.”

“Shizuma, I— I don't pity you. Why would I?”

“Ohhh, I don't know.” He dragged his hand down his face, shoulders slumped. Feeling conflicted, he weighed the consequences of the paths he could take. On one hand, he could tell Kagura that he was insecure, and emotionally tired, and he needed explicit validation or else he'd start tearing his fucking hair out. On the other hand, he could put on a mask of his usual (if a little more ornery) self, and give Kagura some of the standard railroading until he left him alone. Neither way would work out particularly well for him, he felt, but he couldn't see another route. While he was thinking, Kagura shuffled closer. He was wringing his hands again. Shizuma made his decision.

He jumped to his feet, the suddenness of it making his head swim and dots appear in his vision but he ignored the discomfort, cornering Kagura in two strides. The younger man took a step back, and fell onto the other bed behind him. Shizuma stared down at him, searching his face for something, anything that could hint at his feelings one way or another. All he found was confusion, and slight fear, and in the moment he was okay with that.

“Kagura, do you care about me?”

Kagura blinked, not expecting the question. He'd been waiting for some sort of threat, and wasn't quite sure that this wouldn't turn out to be one. “Of course I care about you,” he said, “You protected me all those years, even if—” He cut himself off, briefly recalling the events a few years prior. Biting his lip, he reiterated, “I care about you, Shizuma. Believe me.”

Shizuma didn't believe him. He fell forward, catching himself with his hands on either side of Kagura’s torso, his hair falling over his shoulders like a curtain. “I hope you're not lying to me,” he said, a slight tremor in his voice. He was wasting his time, his hard-earned, carefully-planned time, by beating around the bush. Yet he couldn't bring himself to be genuine. Pathetic. 

He stared hard at Kagura’s face, studying his features. The anxious creasing of his eyebrows, the uneasy quiver of his lips. Shizuma had always thought he was cute, and that thought still remained after all these years. There wasn't much resemblance to Yagura in him now, just the eyes. _Most of that's probably due to age_ , he thought, _Yagura didn't make it this far_. Both of them were silent, and not sure how to proceed. Kagura shifted nervously.

“C-can you get off me now?” he asked in a small voice. Shizuma blinked, coming to his senses. 

“Of course.” He took a step back, and Kagura scrambled backwards on the bed, maybe a little too quickly. Shizuma kind of frowned, thinking too much into it. He would be ruminating on this for the rest of the night, if not longer. In lieu of explaining himself, he shuffled off to the bathroom, leaving Kagura to wonder what he was so upset over.

Silence retook the room, and Kagura released the breath he didn't know he was holding. Soon after their exchange, Hassaku returned, mumbling something about a luggage mix-up, Buntan’s shirts ending up in his bag and vice versa. He didn't comment on the tense atmosphere, or how Shizuma and Kagura couldn't even look at each other as they went through their nightly routines. Perhaps it was for the best. Neither of them gave him enough credit, being able to turn a blind eye to their bullshit. 

“We were on the TV,” he said as he was brushing his teeth, half-shouting to be heard over the bathroom fan, “Our mugshots, anyway. Called us ‘armed and dangerous’ too—” he spat into the sink— “No mention of Kagura. Don't think they know you're gone yet. Or they just didn't put two an’ two together.” He received no answer from either of the other two swordsmen, and didn't pursue one. Just finished what he was doing, and settled into bed.

Kagura woke up in the middle of the night again, but it surprised him less. He laid still, staring up at the ceiling, willing himself not to move. There was nothing else to do but wait for sleep to take him again, however long it would take.

He would be waiting a while.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Insomnia - The Black & White Years


	4. Family Happiness

Shizuma couldn't remember much before the age of about seven. He had no parents, no home that didn't feel like a waiting room between school and sleep. That came later. For the first few years of his life he was alone. As the new, clean-cut era of Kiri came around, he found himself pushed into the back of school photos, shunned for a reason he couldn't place. That pain would stick with him for a long, long time. 

He found his first proper family some time after that, in the form of two criminals living just outside the village, one of them his blood relative, even. And finally, he wasn't alone. The two missing-nin, Kisame Hoshigaki and Itachi Uchiha, became like fathers to him. He stayed in their small house in the mountains, and snuck through a gap in the village wall to get to the academy every day. They told him stories of their pasts, their days in the Akatsuki, their travels. Shizuma was enchanted, particularly by Kisame’s mention of the Seven Ninja Swordsmen. Of course, he'd known about that organization for as long as he could remember, but he'd never had as much interest in it as he did when Kisame talked about his sword, Samehada. For one of his birthdays, he'd even received a wooden replica of the legendary sword, which was nearly the same size as his body despite being a scale model. Kisame and Itachi were good parents, as far as criminals went. They taught him right from wrong, good manners, all the usual things a child needs to get from their family. Perhaps they were a little unorthodox. Perhaps Itachi shouldn't have been giving him kunai to play with until he got a bit older. But regardless, they loved Shizuma like he was their own son, and that's all that mattered.

It took him a few years to make any lasting friendships. He met the other future swordsmen gradually, casually, in the schoolyard and bookstores and on his walk home. Their chemistry was almost instant, like they were all members of some rare breed. When he knew he could trust them, he'd bring them back to his home, so they could meet his family, hear their stories too. The concept of the Akatsuki seemed to strike the same chord with each of them, and drew them closer together. They started a club, setting out to become the next generation of ninja swordsmen. 

This, of course, could not happen, not through any official, legal channels. Shizuma’s demeanor wasn't right, didn't match the image of a typical Kiri shinobi that the Mizukage wanted to put forward. The Seven Ninja Swordsmen were the face of the village, and they wouldn't take any chances allowing someone as viciously volatile as Shizuma to join. So the spaces remained empty, as Shizuma and his swordsmen waited. 

He tried not to be discouraged, threw himself into his training, keeping his dreams of grandeur close to his heart. Over time, he formed this conspiracy in his mind, that he was unwanted for reasons beyond those on the surface, that the deck had been stacked against him from the beginning. But he didn't give up, not then and not now. His ruthlessness ran deep, and it ran strong. 

Shizuma wondered passively how his parents were holding up these days. He'd stopped by briefly after the jailbreak, to check on them and proudly explain his plan. They supported it, unsurprisingly, as they supported all his endeavors. 

\---

Their days spent in the Land of Steam quickly became a blur of different-yet-the-same hotels, restaurants, and hot springs. After the first, Kagura didn't even bother to police their spending, knowing that it was a lost cause— at least when they went off on their own, they spent their own cash, instead of waiting around for his debit card. He hoped they'd have enough sense to not waste money on souvenirs, since they'd have to carry them for the remainder of the journey.

Transportation here was easy to find, but much harder to take advantage of. The trains were much more crowded the further into the country they got. They had walked this far, though. They could walk some more.

They reached a fourth town as the sun was setting, and found the streets especially packed. As it turned out, they had stumbled upon some sort of festival. Most of the hotels nearest to the activity were booked, so they had to hike a few blocks away to find one that would take them. After weeks of (relative) monotony, this felt like an exciting change, and the swordsmen wasted no time checking out the scene. Within minutes Kagura found himself separated from the group, walking the perimeter of a large block of shops and booths. There was no use calling out for any of them, and going looking for them would take too long and leave him with no time to enjoy himself (not that he would enjoy being alone either). Still, he wandered around a while longer, thinking maybe he would stumble across one of them. Defeated, he entered the first restaurant he came across, and sat at the empty bar. 

As he looked over a menu, someone sat down one seat over from his. A tall middle-aged man, with greyish hair pulled into a messy bun. He gestured to the bartender for a drink, and Kagura was a little surprised when a glass of water was set down in front of him. 

“Isn't the Land of Steam beautiful this time of year?” the man sighed, not to anyone in particular. Kagura nodded as though he were talking to him, and he continued, “I'm lucky that I managed to get here in time for the festival. I usually wouldn't stop in a tourist trap like this, but once in a while, you know.”

He shifted in his seat to turn toward Kagura, his long crystal earrings jingling with the movement. Kagura felt suddenly put on the spot, even though the stranger hadn't addressed him yet.

“You seem troubled,” said the stranger, “Do you mind if I ask why?” He smiled softly, then gestured to the seat next to him at the bar. Kagura waved his hand in a "go-ahead" motion, and the man moved closer.

“I’ve lost my friends. I looked away for a second and they were gone. I'll see them again at the hotel, I’m sure, but it's not great being left alone.” 

“I see.” The stranger took a drink of his water, silently studying Kagura’s face. “That's not the only thing bothering you,” he concluded as he set the glass down, “There's something else, isn't there? Something deeper.” He paused, then hurriedly added, “You don't have to tell me, of course! I don't want to intrude. I’m sorry.”

Kagura kind of laughed. “No, no, it's okay,” he said, “It’s— I left my home to travel with friends… indefinitely, and I feel conflicted about it, is all.” He rested his head in his hands and sighed heavily. “I feel like a bad person,” he mumbled.

“What’s so bad about taking a trip with friends? You'll be back home before you know it, I’m sure.” 

“I— I don't think we’re going back.”

The stranger hummed, thinking as he traced the rim of his glass. “I think I could give better advice if I heard the entire story. Is that alright?”

Kagura thought for a moment, then nodded. Over the next couple minutes he managed to simplify his tale down to its core elements, if missing a few bits. He wasn't too keen on telling a complete stranger all his friends were fugitive terrorists. The stranger listened attentively, a soft, sympathetic look on his face.

“Why am I even telling you this?” Kagura ended, running his nervous hands through his hair to give them something to do. His eyebrows knitted together.

“Sometimes it's nice to just talk about it,” the man offered, and Kagura shrugged. Behind them, sparse groups of customers filtered in and out of the restaurant, but Kagura felt as though time had slowed. “Listen, I’m going to tell you something someone once told me, a long time ago. 'Home is a place you can return to.' Somewhere someone's thinking of you— that's where you belong. Would you say that's true of Kirigakure?” 

"I... I'm not sure." The image of Chojuro came to mind, followed shortly after by Tsurushi. Surely the Mizukage had more important things to worry about, bigger problems to address in the village. And Tsurushi… Tsurushi would forget about him in time. 

"And what about here, with your friends. They think of you, right?"

 _Almost too much, in some cases_ , Kagura thought. Enough that they escaped from prison and immediately came to him. "Yeah, but am I doing the right thing?"

"Searching for your home is a noble pursuit. I'm sure it'll turn out alright in the end." He gave Kagura’s shoulder a reassuring pat. 

Kagura thanked the man— he introduced himself as Yuukimaru as they were saying goodbye— and wandered back out into the street. The festival and it's abundance of light stretched for a few blocks, but most of the path back to the hotel was lit by dim street lights, if anything at all. Kagura stumbled through the darkness, frown affixed to his face as he thought over what Yuukimaru had said. It wasn't particularly revolutionary, but he felt that he needed someone to point it out to him. He deserved to have a home.

\---

Over the course of this journey his grasp of the passage of time had slipped. Kagura had no idea how long he'd been gone, or what time it was. The walk back to the hotel could have taken anywhere between ten minutes and two hours, and he'd be none the wiser. 

The front of the hotel building had a few ornamental lamps affixed to its walls. Buntan and Hassaku were huddled beneath one, having a cigarette and chatting idly. Buntan noticed him first, and waved. 

"Off finding yourself?" she called. 

Kagura shrugged, "You could say that." He stood a little ways off from them, to avoid the smoke. 

"Right on. We all ate street food, did you get anything?"

Kagura suddenly realized he hadn't eaten in hours. He shook his head. 

"No worries. Let's go." Buntan started walking back toward town, and Kagura followed behind. She was taking a much more direct route, which involved a lot less alleys than the path Kagura had taken. He must not have paid enough attention the first time he'd walked into town. They passed a couple people here and there, stumbling back to their homes. Buntan was quieter than usual, staring straight ahead as they wound through the streets. Kagura kept glancing up at her, at the glowing end of the cigarette that was clenched in her teeth. 

"You wanna go back to Kiri, right?" Buntan still wasn't looking at him. 

Kagura spluttered, "N-no. What gave you that impression?" If he didn't look nervous before, he definitely did now. 

"You just seem deeper in thought than usual. It's no big deal. I think... I think if you left, we'd get on okay." She patted his shoulder, unsurprised when he tensed up under her hand.

“I’m not leaving,” he said, an unexpected amount of confidence in his voice. She smiled at him.

“Good, I’m glad.” Gradually they got closer to the festival, the warm light seeping into the neighbouring street. Buntan discarded her cigarette, grinding it under her heel before they approached the now-thinned crowd. "Y’know,” she started, “I thought we'd have to babysit you a lot more than this. But you can handle yourself pretty well."

"...Thank you?"

"Oh!” She laughed sharply, “Sorry, that sounded rude. I just mean you can go off on your own and find your way back no problem. We've gotta keep a closer eye on Shizuma than you."

"Why?"

"He— well, we worry he might go start a fuckin' fight or something, y’know. He's a little unstable right now. And when you're not around? Forget about it. He's a mess." She looked down at the pavement and frowned. "He's been a mess for a long time."

Kagura asked no follow-up questions. He wasn't sure he wanted to delve into Shizuma’s neuroses right now, and Buntan didn't seem to keen on it either. The topic changed to something lighter, the direction they planned to go from here. They hadn't yet decided between heading south into the Land of Fire, or West toward the Hidden Sound. Kagura didn't want to chance running into Boruto or his friends, worried that they might attempt to persuade him to go back to Kiri (and he was convinced they would succeed, should the situation arise). He stressed this to Buntan, and she just laughed. 

“I'm sure Shizuma's thought of that already,” she said, hand on his shoulder again as she steered him down the street. This time, Kagura didn't shrug it off. “He's always, like, ten steps ahead. Sure, sometimes those steps are insane and impossible, but he's thought of other, reasonable steps, too. Every possibility, he's covered. He's been thinking about all this for too long to not have a plan.” 

Eventually they remembered they were supposed to be finding him something to eat. They stood in the shortest line they could find, bought an order of something completely foreign to both of them, and headed back to the hotel. Their pace was less meandering than before, the exhaustion catching up with them. The rest of the swordsmen were already preparing for bed when they returned, and within minutes everyone was asleep. 

\---

The Land of Sound did not live up to its name. It was almost uncomfortably quiet at times, when the wind slowed and everything stilled. The Academy history books back in Kiri had said this country used to be the Land of Rice Paddies, a much more fitting title. The swordsmen picked their way along thin paths through the terraced fields, half-regretting this choice of direction with every misstep as they inevitably toppled into the shallow water. 

A beautiful valley stretched out before them, its sides carved into lush green steps by the fields. Kagura wished he'd brought a camera. When the wind picked up, the tall stalks of the rice would sway, creating a soft shushing sound, magnified by the sheer amount of plants growing. It was almost like static, but it filled the silence, and so was welcomed by the swordsmen. 

The people here were just as quiet, keeping to themselves. Sparse groups of them were scattered throughout the land, working diligently. They hardly looked up as the swordsmen walked by. Still, it didn't feel like they weren't welcome. The Land of Sound was open to everyone, regardless of background, thanks to the influence of Orochimaru. It would be the ideal place to settle, if it weren't up to Shizuma. He clearly didn't appreciate the peaceful nature of the land, if his heavy, trudging steps were any indicator. He'd fallen in the water three times now. 

He walked at the back of the group, his eyes glazed over as he mindlessly followed. There was no telling what he was thinking about, but it couldn't have been good. Hebiichigo walked just in front of him, close enough to catch him if he were to trip and fall again. She spoke to him now and again, quiet enough that the others couldn't hear. Buntan and Hassaku knew not to be curious. Kagura did not. He strained to hear over the wind, but couldn't make out anything intelligible. Defeated, he focused back on the sound of rice stalks rustling. 

At the bottom of the valley sat a little cluster of wooden buildings, huddled in the shadow of a tall cliff. The swordsmen, exhausted, trudged into the town, leaving a trail of wet footprints as they went. To their dismay, there were no inns, and they were forced to make camp at the base of the cliff. It was cold in the deep shadow, but at least they had a fire, and a change of clothes. _It could be worse_ , they all thought, at one point or another. 

Sleep was rough. If the fire died, they'd all freeze. The ground was either solid rock or thick mud, so nowhere was comfortable. Most of them managed to succumb to exhaustion after a few hours, but Shizuma stayed awake. He stoked the fire absently, rubbing at his eyes with his palm to keep them open. He wouldn't put it past the people here to attack them while they slept. He wouldn't put it past anyone. 

His eyelids began to droop after an undetermined length of time, so he stood up and walked around a little. The fire only cast a small sphere of light, so he couldn't see much besides his sleeping teammates and their bags. Small lights shone in the town some ways away, but not enough to see by. 

Kagura had been avoiding him, it seemed. He dwelled on this all hours of the day. There were clear and obvious reasons _why_ , which Shizuma pretended not to notice. A change in behavior was asking too much of him. He used to think just having Kagura here, just his mere presence would be enough. It wasn't. The realization came to him slowly, over long, lonely days surrounded by his closest friends. The excitement of that first night, seeing Kagura again after so many years, was repeatedly halved, shrinking incrementally by the minute until every moment dragged on forever. 

He could easily drag himself out of this hole, through any number of outs. Confessing his feelings sat on the top of the pile of options, and he pointedly ignored it to search for easier solutions. Refusing to face his feelings like this made him feel like a coward, but seemed preferable in the moment. He was supposed to be a leader, after all— emotions like “love” were only weakness. 

While he was brooding, the fire started to die. The swordsmen shivered under their blankets as the wind picked up. Shizuma didn't notice, staring forward and down at where his feet might be, if he had any light to see them by. 

There was a rustling sound, and Shizuma, ever-paranoid, began to draw his sword. The audible metallic scrape made the rustling stop. 

“Shizuma?” Kagura whispered, a tremor of worry in his voice. “Is that you? Why are you awake?”

Shizuma let his sword slide back into its scabbard. “Couldn't sleep,” he said, only half a lie. He wandered closer to the dull embers of the nearly-dead fire. His eyes were more used to the dark now, and he could just make out Kagura's silhouette. He was sitting up on his sleeping mat, blanket wrapped tightly around him. Even in the low light, Shizuma could see him shivering. He spat out a piss-poor attempt at a fireball jutsu, which was just enough to relight the fire. 

“I didn't know you knew fire style,” Kagura commented, shuffling to the end of his mat to get closer to the heat. 

“I don't,” Shizuma replied flatly, “That's the only jutsu I was taught. Didn't have the knack for it.” He dropped down into a cross-legged position, staring into the fire. Every so often he tossed some kindling into it from a pile beside him. _This could be the moment_ , he thought, _I could fix everything right now_. He opened his mouth then quickly closed it again. It didn't feel right. At least they were speaking again. (He didn't realize that Kagura would have spoken to him whenever he wanted, all he had to do was talk first.)

Kagura leaned to the side, trying to see around the fire. He'd been worried about Shizuma, but wanted to give him space. Even now he wondered if it was better to just go back to sleep. He pulled the blanket tighter around his shoulders, trying and failing to keep the warmth in. If only they'd shopped more in the Land of Frost, he might have bought warmer clothes. He sat as close to the fire as was safe, his shaking hands peeking out of the blanket toward the flames. Shizuma watched this from the corner of his eye. He only had a coat and sweater on, but felt fine. Meanwhile Kagura looked like he'd be frozen solid before sunrise. Shizuma considered lending him his coat, but couldn't bring himself to move, lest the gesture be rejected. 

Before he could come to a conclusion, Kagura settled next to him, leaning against his shoulder. “It's freezing, but I didn't want to bother the others since they're sleeping,” he mumbled, pressing himself closer, “You don't mind, right?” 

“Not at all.” Shizuma gingerly put his arm around Kagura's shoulders, noticeably stiff. This was moving too quickly for his taste, but he wasn't about to deny Kagura the much-needed warmth. 

Kagura looked up at him, worry in his eyes as he asked, “Are you sure? I can just lay closer to the fire, it's okay.” 

_There it is_ , Shizuma thought bitterly, _He doesn't want to be near me. He pities me, of course he does_. Shizuma knew he could be rather quick to jump to conclusions, but this felt correct. Somehow that made his next action easier.

Rather than answer the question Shizuma grit his teeth, lifted Kagura by the waist, and plopped him down in his lap. It was surprisingly easy, and Kagura barely knew what was happening before he found himself half-wrapped in Shizuma's coat, the older man's chin resting gently on his head. Both of them relaxed immediately, leaving the tension between them behind for that brief moment. Though he'd done it out of partial malice, Shizuma wanted to live in that moment forever, or at least until the morning came. He hadn't been planning on it, but Kagura’s presence made him feel relaxed enough to sleep.

“You're pretty warm for a shark,” Kagura joked, and pressed his back more firmly against Shizuma's chest. 

“Is that right?” Shizuma said musingly. 

Kagura nodded. His face felt like it was burning, like he'd sat too close to the fire, but he knew full well that it was embarrassment. He was thankful that Shizuma couldn't see the blush that was definitely visible on his cheeks. 

All Shizuma could hear was his own heartbeat, rivaled by Kagura's slow, relaxed breathing. Occasionally it hitched, whenever Shizuma shifted or moved his arms. This only made his heart beat faster. He held as still as he could, hands glued to his knees like they were impossible to separate, a sort of half-embrace so the sides of his coat could still drape over Kagura's shoulders. More than anything he wanted to wrap his arms around the younger man's middle, pull him in close, bury his face in the crook of his neck. But he didn't. He couldn't. He remained frozen, just relaxed enough to not inspire worry but stiff enough to keep himself in line. 

Meanwhile, Kagura slumped more and more heavily against one of Shizuma's arms, until it became clear that he was fast asleep. _That can't be comfortable_ , Shizuma thought. He wasn't particularly comfortable either; his back ached, and his legs had long since fallen asleep under Kagura's weight. But his affection kept him sitting here, practically cradling Kagura. He didn't want to give up this precious moment. _If you fall asleep like this_ , something in the back of his mind said, _Walking tomorrow will be a nightmare. For Kagura as well_. Shizuma glanced down at the younger man's body, curled awkwardly in his lap. _You're right_ , he conceded to himself. 

Gently, more gentle than he'd ever been, he lifted Kagura from his lap and back onto his sleeping mat. He untangled the blanket and made sure Kagura was properly covered before he got himself situated. After thinking for a moment, he dragged his own mat closer to Kagura's, and promptly fell asleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Family Happiness — The Mountain Goats


End file.
